Looking for Love with LentilsJennifer Duchovny
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The many challenges of relationships While Vegan otherwise known as “Looking for Love with Lentils.” The path as a vegan girlfriend or boyfriend has two options: either pray your significant other is sympathetic to your salad ways, or slowly convert them to non-meat-eater status so you have someone else to share the title of “Most Annoying Person at Brunch.”
When dating another vegan, there’s a bright side to bonding over getting slighted at every dinner party with a plate of pruney bell peppers; slumping through your weakened state and struggling for pillow talk due to lack of protein. You’ll grow stronger as a couple due to “fighting in the trenches” as one of the few couples whose combined carbon footprint is smaller than a Blue Ivy’s pleather baby shoe.
Then on the day when you marry, and the world recoils with the question, “What WILL you serve?” You’ll cave and serve pizza. Delicious, delicious pizza. Because even though you’re not meat-eaters, you’re also not monsters and maybe, just maybe you’ll catch a whiff of cheese and pepperonis and that beautiful beautiful crust and for a second you remember what it was like pre-woke. What life was like pre-Netflix doc. And for a moment, you’re happy. But that’s when the vegan ice cream arrives! (and seriously if there’s one thing vegans have gotten right, it’s ice cream.) Enjoy your animal products, wedding attendees! We’re good over here.